Working Moms and Burnout: Why You Feel Like You Can Never Catch Up

Burnout has become a hot topic in recent years. As the line between our working lives and our personal lines blurs due to increased accessibility and a culture of always finding ways to work harder, more people are experiencing burnout. But what people aren’t often talking about is how greatly working mothers are affected. A new report, published by researchers with Ohio State University, says that working mothers experience burnout at a higher rate of 68 percent compared to 42 percent among working fathers. As a result, it may be particularly crucial for women to take breaks and seek assistance.

So, why can burnout particularly affect working mums, regardless of age? Let’s discuss what keeps you feeling tired and like you can never catch up with your to-do list.

What is burnout?

Burnout is the term used to describe what happens to us when we experience an unending cycle of a heavy workload and chronic stress. These two factors are often also accompanied by stressful life events and a lack of purpose in our work.

How do you tell the difference between stress and burnout?

When many people suspect they’re experiencing burnout (especially women and mothers), they will often wonder whether they’re really burnout or if they are “just stressed.” Many people feel like they have to be so burnt out that they are almost unable to function in their daily lives before they can claim the title of “burnout.”

Here’s the difference:

Stress is a physiological and psychological response by the body to a perceived threat or challenge. Stress is a natural part of life, and when we have “healthy stress,” it can help motivate us to concentrate on reaching a deadline or making quick decisions when something needs to happen quickly.

Burnout is what happens when the effects of stress (such as cortisol, adrenaline, increased heart rate, and a feeling of needing to be ready for anything) continue for not just hours or days but weeks or months. You may relax for a few hours or a few days here and there, but the ongoing effect of the stress you are under causes physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion.

What causes burnout?

There is a wide range of factors that contribute to burnout, which include:

• High workload: Most jobs have periods of high stress, such as when a project is coming close to the deadline, and the team has to pull together to get it done. But it’s becoming more common than ever for employees to simply move from one deadline to the next without respite. The effects of this can be worse when boundaries are not established - both by the employees and the company, which can lead to long working hours and insufficient resources.

• Lack of control: When an individual feels as though they have no control over their work, environment, or life, they typically become disengaged and anxious. They will go into a reactive mode, which leads to further feelings of helplessness.

• Insufficient rewards (not feeling valued): Meeting deadlines and accomplishing other hard things (with hard being a relative term) must be celebrated otherwise we feel as though we are on a neverending hamster wheel. When our efforts go unrecognized, we can’t help but feel as though we are not appreciated or valued in our role. This often leads to burnout, especially in those of us who value making a meaningful contribution to our company, families, and society.

• Poor relationships: Difficulties at home, at work, or in our community wears us down and in severe cases, make us feel like we always have to be on the alert to watch our backs. A difficult boss can often make employees feel as though they can never relax at work, meaning burnout is almost unavoidable.

• Value mismatch (lack of purpose): When our values do not match those of the organization, or simply our other team members, we find it hard to relax and feel at ease at work. When you feel like you are doing something that goes against your core values, the constant feeling of stress can contribute to burnout. We need to feel as though we are making a difference and have a reason to turn up every day besides the paycheck.

• Unrelenting demands on your time/energy: We covered this for the workplace in the first point, but it’s also worth mentioning the effects this can have on you if you feel as though the demands on your time are also high at home. Coming from a demanding job home to a family that’s waiting for you to do things for them, only to go back to the demanding job the next day, can be an unrelenting cycle that means you never have time to recuperate.

Why are working mothers so vulnerable to burnout?

The reason why working mothers are so vulnerable to burnout becomes clear in our last point in the list above - because on top of all the things that cause burnout for those without children, working mothers have a long list of additional stressors.

Working mothers have to juggle multiple demanding roles, which can include being employees, leaders, partners, parents, and caregivers for ageing parents. Women have always taken on a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the household, meaning they are usually the person scheduling appointments, driving children around, preparing meals, doing the laundry, and more.

Since women are often the member of a family with the most responsibility for the children, many struggle to find a workplace that supports their varied life roles. Long hours, lack of paid time off, and inflexibility toward working from home when necessary (such as when their child is sick) causes additional stress.

They also often lack support systems that would help create the space they need to thrive. For example, they may not have a team at work to ensure they don’t have to work overtime. At home, they may be a single parent, and they may not live close enough to family to have any options for emotional support and childcare. Without good support systems in place, working mothers often feel isolated, overwhelmed, and like the weight of the world is on their shoulders.

All of this leads to the feeling of a neverending to-do list and guilt for not being able to do it all. Society makes women feel as though they need to be superhuman - being able to juggle multiple full-time roles. When they cannot fulfill one as well as they’d hoped to, they feel guilty and like they’re failing.

Further stress is common for ambitious working mothers as they feel that they cannot compete with male and childless female coworkers for promotions because they have other priorities (such as their children) that can pull them away from work. These fears are legitimate; Harvard found that childless women are 8.2 times more likely to be recommended for promotion than equally qualified mothers.

Society is a large part of the problem - there is still an ingrained belief that once a woman becomes a mother, she is less committed to her job (while the opposite is true for a man - he has a family to provide for). This means that women are constantly pushing to prove themselves in every sphere. With expectations so high, it’s no wonder so many women are facing burnout.

What are signs of burnout you should look out for?

Signs of burnout will vary from person to person, depending on their circumstances and personality. Here are some common signs of burnout:

• Physical exhaustion: Ongoing fatigue and a feeling of malaise are common, even when an individual has gotten sufficient sleep or has been physically inactive.

• Emotional exhaustion: This may be exhibited by a lack of feeling or care for things they would have once had the energy to be passionate about or by disinterest and detachment from the world around them. They may be cynical and sarcastic at times when they would have once been optimistic.

• Decreasing productivity: Most people with burnout start to struggle to complete tasks in the time they would expect to. They often procrastinate without really knowing where the time is going, leading to feelings of frustration and ineffectiveness.

• Lack of motivation: Burnout often leads to a lack of motivation toward work and passions. There’s often a sense that things are always the same and neverending, so there’s little point in pushing to complete a task or try something new.

• Increased irritability: We covered this a little in the emotional exhaustion point, but many people experiencing burnout become irritable and negative, which can lead to feelings of guilt and cause a disconnect from others in their lives.

• Cognitive issues: Brain fog, difficulty concentrating, procrastination, forgetfulness, and a lack of attention to detail can all result from burnout.

• Physical tension: Burnout can cause long-term stress symptoms, such as headaches, sore and stiff muscles throughout the body, and stomach problems.

An individual does not need to exhibit all these signs to have burnout.

What’s the answer?

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to burnout, and it’s not often an easy or fast fix. Curing burnout takes making serious and sometimes difficult changes in one’s life to create more space. Some of the things that can help ease and cure burnout include:

• Moving to a new company with better support.

• Moving to an organization with values that align with your own.

• Take regular breaks: Taking breaks throughout the day can help improve productivity, reduce stress, and prevent burnout. Try incorporating short walks or stretching into your routine.

• Seeing a new industry or a different role that will allow you to thrive.

• Seeking a better support system at home (or even choosing to move closer to family).

• Having difficult conversations with your partner about household responsibilities.

• Paying for help at home (cleaner, caregiver for parent(s), nanny).

• Letting go of responsibilities you don’t have time for.

• Set clear boundaries between work and personal time.

• Practice self-care: Make time for activities that you enjoy, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones. This can help you recharge and refocus.

You’ll need to have some hard conversations with yourself, and often with others. Unless your path seems clear, it’s best to seek professional support to help guide you through and ensure you choose the right path to cure your burnout and reignite your passion for your work and life once more. Remember, everyone is different, and what works for one person may not work for another. It's essential to experiment and find the solutions that work best for you.