Toxic Positivity: Why "Just Think Positive" Can Be Harmful

Has anyone ever told you to “just think positive?” This can be frustrating at best and harmful at worst. Of course, optimism will always help you get through life - it’s key to developing a resilient mindset. Without optimism, you face a slippery slope down into malaise and often despair. But positivity isn’t always the answer. In some circumstances, an unwillingness to face or acknowledge the reality of a situation can lead you to make someone feel broken or ignore your own grief and flaws. This is known as toxic positivity.

What is toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity often comes in the form of believing that one should maintain a positive mindset, no matter the situation.

Those who subscribe to toxic positivity (whether they realize it or not) often only contribute vague platitudes like “good vibes only” and “everything happens for a reason.” It’s essential to take these mantras with a pinch of salt because people don’t always know the harm they’re doing when they offer up phrases like that. When we find ourselves in a spiral of toxic positivity, we can be tempted to reject all unpleasant emotions in favour of a facade.

Signs of toxic positivity

Toxic positivity often looks like this:

• Brushing off problems and ignoring them, so you don’t have to face them

• Brushing off other people’s problems, calling them “negative” when they share or reach out for advice

• Hiding true feelings, making passive-aggressive comments

• Using words like “just” to imply that things are simple, like “just get over it” or “just forget about it”

• The belief that happiness is only a choice and that everyone should have full control over their emotions and thoughts at all times

• Using positive mantras to minimize other people’s experiences

• Brushing off trauma with quotes like “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

• Saying things like “it could be worse” or “it is what it is”

• They make others feel guilty for expressing emotions other than happiness

Why is toxic positivity an issue?

Toxic positivity is a harmful habit to form because it gets us used to denying how we genuinely feel. If we continue to pretend to feel good when we don’t, we run the risk of suppressing other issues in our lives. Before long, we may find ourselves in denial of our financial situations, relationship problems, work anxiety, and general dissatisfaction in life.

While some people live lives free of mental health issues like anxiety, depression, OCD, bipolar, and PTSD, millions of people struggle with them every day. Those with mental health issues often experience great shame for “bringing down” the atmosphere if they discuss their problems, which is only exacerbated by those who minimize their issues. This can also be the case with chronic physical illnesses.

In the presence of someone who is toxically positive, a person experiencing an issue may feel unsupported, isolated, and guilty rather than supported and loved. This can cause a further spiral of poor mental health, as the person struggling feels that they can’t offload without fear of being dismissed. They may also feel they are “broken” because they are unable to get over things or be happy.

Toxic positivity encourages the avoidance of complicated feelings, which is often the easier option in times of adversity. But this habit denies us the opportunity to face these difficult feelings and ultimately grow as people. The famous psychologist Carl Jung theorized that what you refuse to face within yourself will only grow. This can be why some who have experienced trauma seek other ways to soothe their pain (such as addictions). Many people are now exploring shadow work, which is where you look at the most challenging aspects of yourself and come to terms with your imperfections.

Toxic Positivity vs. Genuine Optimism: What’s the Difference?

Toxic positivity is only toxic when it serves to negate, invalidate, or deny authentic human emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, or grief. Those with toxically positive traits usually don’t subscribe to the idea that it’s okay not to be okay.

Genuine optimism involves acknowledging that times are difficult but that things will get better eventually. There’s no shame involved in genuine optimism because it accepts that feelings like anxiety, sadness, anger, and jealousy exist. It can be effective when it comes to feeling better about a situation, while toxic positivity is unhelpful and unproductive.

Those with toxically positive mindsets don’t always mean to say hurtful things; in fact, many people like this have turned to toxic positivity as a coping mechanism for their own trauma. Of course, this doesn’t always make it easy to deal with someone who refuses to recognize their or your emotions, but it can be helpful when trying to communicate with them.